Weeknote #18
Growing and moulding confidence.
I've journaled on confidence this week. Inspired by the changes of the season, when arguably all of nature reveals its confident glory in the summer; with the sun is at its highest, the trees are full of leaves and flowers are a blooming rave of colours. Summer has a vibe, an energy and it's confidence.
The topic of confidence also comes up a lot, in conversations with the team, in 1:1s and it frequently crops up in my coaching practice too, with people's goals being "I want to be more confident". Which got me thinking, is confidence something you have or something you are? We use it interchangeably "I don't have confidence" to "I am not confident", but which serves us better?
In a recent coaching call, I asked the person I'm working with if they could visualise their confidence as a thing, what would it be. They closed their eyes and took some time to think. Their response?
"It's a clay blob".
They went on to explain that, for them, their confidence isn't static, it ebbs and flows - growing in certain situations and shrinking in others. In one particular relationship, they felt the other person dinted their confidence, and so the clay reacted to that by reforming when it took a blow from what this other person did or said towards them. But, interestingly, the clay didn't diminish, it changed shape and reacted (perhaps even protected them), yes, but it returned to it's original blob shape, eventually. The focus of our conversation then shifted to be less about having or not having confidence and more about potential solutions to help get their Confidence Clay back to its original shape quicker, so that they felt more consistent with their confidence.
What if we all have a blob of Confidence Clay? Your blob might be bigger than mine or vice versa and our blobs might be different shapes depending on the situation, too. But how can those of us who feel like we don't have confidence, grow it? Well, I've had some thoughts on that, as well:
Consider where and when you do feel confident. What activities or people light you up, energise you or make you feel grounded and capable? Spending time thinking about this might make you realise your blob is bigger than you think.
How can you do more of that or spend more time with them? And each time you do, can you visualise that action or interaction as adding another small blob of confidence to your Confidence Clay. Do you feel that confidence growing? How can those people also help you remodel your clay should it get dinted and bent out of shape?
And before you enter those spaces or situations where you don't feel confident, how does it feel to pause, take a breath and, again, visualise your Confidence Clay? Maybe even hold something in your hands to represent and physically feel "confidence" (noting that this is well-versed mindfulness technique to meditate holding a pebble, stone or crystal, as a tool to anchor you in the moment) do you show up differently knowing that you have confidence with you? Might you now feel like you can take one small step to be more confident, bold or courageous? And how does that effect your Confidence Clay?
The intention of this practice is to create awareness of where confidence exists, reframing it to be something you have, not something you lack, so this becomes something that can grow and nurture, with a safe haven of some confidence rather than none at all, to return to. And so, through this practice and reframing, when you try something new or you're in an environment that makes your confidence shrink, you'll perhaps have a deeper sense of knowing that you're carrying confidence with you, that it's natural for it to shift and adapt but it's the practice (and maybe the support of others) that helps you to remould it back into shape and to add smaller blobs to it.
As always, thanks for reading and please do leave a comment if you feel called to - or perhaps it'll help add to your blob of Confidence Clay if you do; I know it would help mine to read them.
Happy weekend 💖 (this week, written from Llangollen, Wales. Home is where you park it…)
